Is This Feminist?

This woman is shaking hands with a new acquaintance. IS THIS FEMINIST? 

Tough to say. Good form, good eye contact, retaining a respectful distance, everything looks feminist so far, but… sorry. We’re getting really distracted. Who is the other person in the picture? Right there, in the right-hand end of the frame. In the beige jacket. Is that… is that a DUDE??? It is! It totally is.

Sorry, but this is just completely inappropriate. Around here, we only judge women based on whether or not they’re sufficiently advancing the cause of feminism. This woman is clearly taunting us. In fact, she seems to be insinuating that by turning feminism’s gaze solely onto women’s personal lives and failing to challenge male privilege or structural injustice, we’ve created an insidious expression of our own internalized sexism, transforming it into yet another cultural tool for judging individual women harshly, thus furthering a climate in which women are encouraged to view each other as “competition” and police each other’s behaviors or emotions, gaining illusory self-esteem only by perpetuating the very behavior that has created their own insecurity. Well, screw you, too, lady! Who are you to judge us? Who are any of us to judge any of us, in this messed-up world we live in? You don’t even know us. God. PROBLEMATIC. 

This woman is selling tampons. IS THIS FEMINIST?

While the creation of any kind of trash is beyond reprehensible to feminism, the kind of trash that you need a uterus to produce is quadruply troubling, because uterus-havers really should know better. I can’t even believe you asked this question in sincerity. Feminists are permitted Diva Cups, used rags that are rewashed by hand, or just bleeding down their legs as we imagine our matriarchal ancestors did. PROBLEMATIC.

This woman is listening to music on headphones. IS THIS FEMINIST?

To be clear, there’s nothing inherently problematic about music, which many believe is an interest that started in the pre-patriarchal era when ancient people beat drums while contemplating the Venus de Willendorf. But we have to ask why this woman is using headphones, essentially cutting out her listening choices from the community. Being private about our musical choices makes it easier to listen to everything from misogynist rap music to douche-y sexist indie bands like Modest Mouse. It would be better if she opened her taste up to accountability. PROBLEMATIC. 

This woman is doing science. IS THIS FEMINIST? 

“Science,” as a narrative of knowledge, prizes a phallocentric adherence to logic and mastery, breaking things down into discrete parts and seeking to name and control their interactions, rather than viewing them as an intuitively connected, interdisciplinary, feminine whole. This woman is adopting and reinforcing a masculine-supremacist view of intelligence which encourages women to rely on externally defined “facts” and academic credentials, rather than heeding their own inner wisdom. A true feminist simply knows the cure for Alzheimer’s disease, possibly because it’s yoga. PROBLEMATIC. 

This woman is texting a friend about her date. IS THIS FEMINIST? 

Frankly, it’s appalling that you think we might endorse antiquated, stereotypically feminine behavior like “texting your friends about your dates,” or “telling your friends about your dates,” or “having friends.” However, this particular woman is texting her friend to say that her date was Zorgon, the All-Powerful, and that after their date he teleported her to a glowing void dimension in which there was no space nor time, only unlimited free wireless. So, we’re fine with it. This woman is REPRESENTING FEMINISM. For now. 

This woman is doing laundry. IS THIS FEMINIST? 

No. As much as we admire the expression of real and legitimate anger, stemming from an unequal and sexist burden of housework based upon normative gender roles, we still can’t endorse just shoving the camera guy into the machine. PROBLEMATIC. 

This woman is acting in a play. IS THIS FEMINIST?

Is she playing a character who is strong and flawless, so as not to allow for any sexist interpretations about the worthiness of all women, but also human and relatable? Until such a role is written, the best way to avoid sexism is not have female roles at all. PROBLEMATIC.

This woman is drinking alone. IS THIS FEMINIST? 

Despair is potentially feminist. However, the “lighting a romantic candle arrangement for oneself” factor betrays an over-investment in traditional models of romance and dating. Plus, if she works through that bottle too fast, all her shit’s going to be on fire. PROBLEMATIC.